i’m still here

I’ve been pretty absent lately… partly due to that overwhelming feeling you get when things are coming to an end or a change is happening. Somehow my drive to keep up with all my projects is gone. Lately, I’m feeling focused on writing my dissertation (though without much excitement it seems), enthusiastic about my PD yoga class,  but seem to be looking for excuses to avoid writing on this site.

It’s not that I’ve given up on everything and been hiding from the world… it’s more like anything that currently seems non-urgent has fallen by the wayside. Even my desire to get on my yoga mat and practice has been wavering. Yes, the mornings are early, but I know how good it feels to take that time for myself and practice yoga… but lately that is not enough to get my butt in gear. And even simply leaving the house can sometimes make me feel like I have to put on a brave face and a smile.

My wonderful friend Jay reminded me a few weeks ago in her own blog, Grace & Grit Yoga that…

sometimes getting your shit together really means letting your shit fall apart as big as it needs to for as long as it needs to in the ways that it needs to until you realize it’s together in a new and phenomenal way that is beyond your wildest imagination for what together could actually look like for you.

and that it may just be a messy process from the outside, and one in which some things, like this blog, get left behind.

So, what now? Well, it’s starting with giving myself permission. What that means to me is removing the guilt. Permission to sleep in if I really need rest, permission to stay in, permission to take a break. Knowing that everything doesn’t have to be done NOW or all-at-once. I’m trying to slow down and trust that it will all get done. I have a looming deadline for my PhD dissertation (MAY 15!), ongoing yoga class that needs prepping, my own yoga practice, social connections to maintain, teaching assistant duties, and the list goes on. This is where my mono-tasking really goes to work.

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And some more great advice from Jay:

There are things that are impossible, things that are possible but better left for another time, and things that are absolutely necessary. Learn to discern what fits into the latter category and give yourself a break when that’s all you get done.

Well, that means giving my full attention to writing, but taking a break when I need it (rest, yoga), and keeping my commitment to my PWPs-who-yoga every Tuesday, because to be honest that is a highlight of my week 🙂

so, just so you know. I’m still here, and in my own way wading through all that life throws at you, and trying to take it all in one thing at a time. much love.

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One thought on “i’m still here

  1. Amen, sister! Permission, trust and mono-tasking=the space to be Kaitlyn and to fiercely claim what’s important to you NOW. With that, I wish you all the best with your looming deadline and your luscious napping. And have fun today with your yoga peeps! 🙂

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